Self-Awareness—Your Mental Well-being Depends On It!
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Co-creator of Perceptual Style Theory
What if understanding yourself more deeply could improve your emotional well-being, even before you changed anything about your circumstances?
In our teaching programs about Perceptual Style, we emphasize practical applications. We want people to understand their natural strengths and discover meaningful ways to use them in everyday life. But throughout my career, I've believed that self-discovery has value beyond what we do with that knowledge.
Learning to observe our thoughts, recognize our emotions, and understand how we interpret our experiences can change our relationship with ourselves. A professional learning experience, combined with an important breakthrough in my work with a client, helped me appreciate this connection in a new way. It reinforced something I've believed for years: understanding what happens within us can be just as important as changing what happens around us.
Part of the annual process of renewing my professional license is the requirement to earn a minimum number of continuing education credits. Often this is a review of ethics, laws, and professional conduct that has great value in keeping me up to date but is at best mundane and at worst tedious. Every now and then, as I did this year, I stumble onto something truly exciting that impacts my practice in significant ways.
Let me tell you about it!
Why Self-Awareness Matters
Throughout my career as a private practice psychotherapist, a personal growth coach, and a corporate business consultant, I have emphasized to my clients that the most valuable service I offer is helping them develop the ability to observe and reflect on their thoughts, feelings, and actions. At the beginning of our work together, many clients have difficulty understanding how awareness of what is going on inside their head can affect what is going on in their life.
What I mean by this is that they think their dissatisfaction with life is because they are not doing something “out there” well enough. They come to me for help looking to get better at something in the external world they believe will finally deliver the elusive happiness, satisfaction, meaning, or success they have been missing. An important first step is helping them recognize that lasting well-being often involves understanding their internal experience, not simply changing their external circumstances.
The real world “out there” is pretty much the way it has always been: struggles and problems mixed with opportunity. Attempts to change, manage, or fix the world are destined to come up short. As a graduate school professor of mine once said, “You can’t cure life. You can’t even treat it.”
When External Success Cannot Resolve Internal Anxiety
But this doesn’t stop most of us from trying. Let me give you an example from my private practice. A very bright young woman contacted me because she had begun to suffer from chronic anxiety and worry that she was not performing at an adequate level in her law career and that her life was not going where she wanted it to.
She spoke at length about the plan for her life that had, until recently, been on track. She complained that she was now behind schedule and was in danger of being “left behind”. Most of her peers were married, and many already had children. They owned houses in the suburbs and were moving on to the next stage of life. She, on the other hand, didn’t even have a boyfriend.
Her anxiety came from a combination of feeling like she wasn’t hitting her marks and the tremendous pressure she felt to accomplish a “perfect” life. Inside she knew something was wrong, but the solution she was pursuing was to try to solve her anxiety by figuring out the right decisions that would put her back on track.
It wasn’t working, and her initial goal in therapy was to get me to help her figure out how to make those decisions correctly. The tears that came flooding out when I told her doing more of the same wasn’t going to help were both from anguish at the despair of abandoning her life plan and also from relief that there might be a way out of her pain other than pushing herself as hard as she was.
The challenge was to get her to accept this truth in order to help her let go of trying to manage the unmanageable and change the unchangeable.
What we can change and control is our approach to life and how we represent what is going on externally to ourselves inside. The conclusions we make from our experience, the meaning we find in the events of our life, how we manage our thoughts and emotions, and what we tell ourselves about what we think and feel are all part of our own internal mindmap. Developing a more coherent understanding of our internal experiences can support emotional regulation, self-awareness, and psychological well-being!
There are many things to integrate in the mind, but the first is the integration of consciousness. This is the ability to observe ourselves as we move through life—to place focused, conscious attention to observe the information and energy flow within and use it to shape the flow’s characteristics, patterns, and direction.
Developing this critical self-awareness is the approach I have taken in my work with my clients all my professional life. As with the client I’ve been describing, the problem is that when the outward focus is so strong that attempts to develop an interest in self-discovery fall on deaf ears. In these cases, I work to find a way to initiate the journey inward before the client, who is getting no relief from their symptoms, leaves in frustration. Sometimes I succeed, sometimes I don’t.
Discovering the Power of Mindsight
So, now back to that interesting CEU course that impacted my practice. Only 75% of the CEUs required to renew my license can be self-study, and the remaining 25% must be in live interactive classes. I found a class that looked interesting and fit my schedule and signed up for it. Little did I know!
The course title was “Interpersonal Neurobiology” and was based on the work of Daniel Siegel, M.D.
Interpersonal Neurobiology is not a style of psychotherapy like psychoanalysis or Cognitive Behavioral Therapy but rather a lens through which to view the therapeutic process and define what the mind needs for maximum health.
Dr. Siegel proposes that the definition of mental health is when nine different domains of the brain are integrated and working together. You can read more about Interpersonal Neurobiology in Dr. Siegel’s book Mindsight.
I won’t go into the nine different domains in this article, but guess what number one is? Integration of Consciousness or “Hub of Awareness,” which is defined as “the ability to observe where you place your attention with skilled intention.”
What most caught my interest as the course proceeded was that it gave me an understanding of what was going on in the brain when clients lacked the ability to turn inward and self-observe. More importantly, it provided concrete ways to promote integration.
How Naming Emotions Changed the Conversation
Equipped with this new knowledge, I recently had a groundbreaking session with my client. We had frequently gone around in circles, with me trying to get her to look at the internal sources of her anxiety and her focusing on all the things that are going on in her life that are making her feel anxious and trying to fix them.
My client approached problems through careful analysis, logic, and structured reasoning. As an attorney, she was accustomed to examining situations, evaluating possibilities, and identifying the most appropriate course of action. My earlier attempts to explore her emotional experience had not resonated with her because they seemed disconnected from the analytical approach she trusted. I began to wonder whether I could use that strength to help her develop a different relationship with her emotions.
During our session, she was caught up in her inability to decide about major issues in her life for fear of making the wrong decision. She would list the horrible consequences of being wrong and then return to the anxiety caused by her indecision. Her ability to self-observe and control the focus of her attention was absent.
Drawing on what I had learned in the seminar, I appealed to her analytical strengths and asked her to name the emotions she was experiencing rather than immediately trying to change them. When she did, it was like flipping a light switch. She instantly lost all the tension in her body and her urgency to solve what she had determined was the source of her anxiety.
As soon as she thought about “fixing” the things she believed were causing her anxiety, the tension and urgency in her body returned. She discovered that she could turn the tension and urgency on and off by focusing on just naming her experience versus trying to fix things. This integrated her consciousness as she became fascinated by watching her internal process and how much control it gave her.
My instructions were not to figure out what to do with her feelings, but simply to name them. By approaching her emotional experience through a process that appealed to her analytical strengths, she discovered that she could observe her feelings without immediately trying to solve the problems she associated with them. This was an important moment in our work together. She experienced firsthand how greater awareness of her internal world could help her respond differently to anxiety.
Understanding the Brain's Role in Emotional Awareness
So, what happened when the switch flipped for my client? Prior to the course I took, I would have said, “She suddenly got it!” without really knowing how it happened. Through my fledgling understanding of Interpersonal Neurobiology, I now have a compelling explanation that I believe is worth taking a little bit of time to explore.
Our ability to step back from an emotional experience and observe what is happening involves several interconnected brain systems, including regions of the prefrontal cortex. These systems support attention, reflection, and emotional regulation. Their development continues through childhood, adolescence, and into adulthood, influenced by biological maturation, relationships, and experience. Although brain development does not follow a single timetable, our capacity for self-awareness and emotional regulation can continue to develop throughout life.
During childhood, the brain systems involved in emotional regulation are still developing. Young children often experience emotions intensely and depend on supportive adults to help them understand and manage those feelings. Fear is a natural part of our survival system, but learning to respond to fear and other strong emotions takes time, experience, and guidance. This is where our relationships with caregivers become especially important.
When children feel hurt, frightened, or overwhelmed, responsive caregivers can help them regain a sense of safety through comfort, reassurance, and emotional connection. This process, often called co-regulation, plays an important role in the development of emotional regulation and secure attachment. Over time, repeated experiences of supportive relationships can help children develop greater confidence in their ability to understand and manage difficult feelings. These developmental processes involve complex interactions among relationships, experience, and multiple brain systems.
Of course, not every child consistently experiences that kind of comfort and reassurance. When caregivers are unavailable, unpredictable, or harmful, children may have greater difficulty developing a reliable sense of emotional safety. These experiences can influence attachment patterns and emotional regulation, sometimes contributing to difficulties with anxiety, trust, or managing distress. But early experiences do not determine our emotional future. Supportive relationships, increased self-awareness, and appropriate therapeutic support can help people develop healthier ways of responding to difficult emotions throughout adulthood.
People develop different ways of coping with difficult emotions, and some of those strategies can eventually become obstacles to greater self-awareness. My client had learned to push her emotional responses aside and concentrate on creating a “perfect life” through careful reasoning and decision-making. Although this approach helped her feel more in control, it also made it difficult for her to recognize and respond to the feelings beneath her anxiety.
Emotions do not necessarily disappear simply because we avoid acknowledging them. Over time, habitual avoidance can make it more difficult to recognize and respond constructively to what we are feeling. My earlier attempts to encourage my client to explore the emotions beneath her anxiety had not been effective because the approach did not resonate with her preferred way of processing information. Asking her to identify and name her feelings provided a more accessible starting point for developing emotional awareness.
This shift in attention helped her experience what Dr. Siegel describes as the “hub of awareness.” She began observing how her internal experience changed when she moved from naming her emotions to trying to fix the circumstances she associated with them, and then back again. It was a breakthrough moment for both of us, and the relief and excitement she experienced were wonderful to witness.
How Perceptual Style Supports Self-Understanding
So, this brings us back full circle to the original premise of this article: What is the practical application of knowing your Perceptual Style, and how can you use that knowledge to increase your internal well-being? Let’s summarize the steps that lead to the answer:
- Although we cannot control everything that happens around us, we can develop greater awareness of how we interpret and respond to our experiences.
- Our thoughts, emotions, physical sensations, and personal interpretations influence how we experience the world and respond to life's challenges.
- Self-awareness allows us to observe our internal experiences without immediately reacting to them or treating them as permanent truths about who we are.
- The ability to recognize and name emotions can support emotional regulation and help us respond more thoughtfully to difficult situations.
- As Dr. Daniel Siegel's work on Interpersonal Neurobiology emphasizes, developing greater awareness and integration of our experiences can contribute to psychological well-being.
- Understanding our Perceptual Style can offer another opportunity for self-discovery by helping us recognize how we naturally interpret experiences, identify strengths, and create meaning in our lives.
Psychotherapy is one such process, and when done well can have a profound impact on our ability to develop an integrated mind. However, most people don’t seek therapy until they are experiencing some sort of distress or acute mind disintegration.
Fortunately, there are many non-clinical processes that are beneficial to mind integration and are readily and easily available. Understanding Perceptual Style Theory, discovering your Perceptual Style, and learning what it says about you is one such process.
Understanding how your Perceptual Style influences the way you interpret experiences and create meaning can provide a valuable dimension of self-awareness. This understanding may help you recognize your natural strengths, appreciate your individual perspective, and develop a more thoughtful relationship with your internal experiences.
One of the most rewarding aspects of our work is witnessing the excitement people experience when they recognize themselves in their Perceptual Style Assessment results. That moment of discovery can provide a new perspective on their strengths, preferences, and experiences. Even before they begin applying that knowledge in practical ways, the opportunity to understand themselves more deeply can be meaningful in its own right.
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About Dr. Gary M. Jordan, Ph.D.
Gary Jordan, Ph.D., has over 35 years of experience in clinical psychology, behavioral assessment, individual development, and coaching. He earned his doctorate in Clinical Psychology from the California School of Professional Psychology – Berkeley. He is co-creator of Perceptual Style Theory, a revolutionary psychological assessment system that teaches people how to unleash their deepest potentials for success. He’s a partner at Vega Behavioral Consulting, Ltd., a consulting firm that specializes in helping people discover their true skills and talents.
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