Relationships and Psychology: We Really Are More Alike than We Think
-we-are-more-alike-than-we-think-400.jpg)
Co-creator of Perceptual Style Theory
When Comparison Makes Us Feel Less Than
Every day, we're surrounded by comparisons. Who is more successful? Who earns more money? Who is stronger, more attractive, more talented, or more accomplished? From advertising and social media to everyday conversations, we're constantly reminded of the ways people measure themselves against one another.
But when we focus primarily on who's better, we risk overlooking something important: no one excels at everything. Even when we recognize our own strengths, constant comparisons can draw our attention toward the areas where we feel inadequate. Instead of helping us appreciate what makes us unique, those comparisons can leave us feeling isolated or somehow less than others.
Understanding Differences Without Creating Divisions
Psychological style theories help us understand the differences in how people perceive, interpret, and respond to the world. They identify patterns of natural strengths and preferences that can provide valuable insights into our behavior and relationships. As a coach, I've used style theories for many years because I've seen how, when applied thoughtfully and in context, they can accelerate personal growth and improve the effectiveness of coaching.
But problems arise when people begin using these insights as another way to compare themselves with others. Instead of appreciating their natural strengths, they may focus on the abilities they believe they lack. When that happens, differences become measurements of personal worth rather than opportunities for understanding. We risk forgetting that our differences are only part of who we are.
Despite our differences, we share far more experiences, needs, and aspirations than we sometimes recognize. Understanding what makes us unique is valuable, but losing sight of what connects us can create unnecessary distance between people.
What We Share Matters More Than How We Differ
We all know what it feels like to be understood or misunderstood, appreciated or criticized, accepted or rejected. We share a fundamental desire to belong, to connect, and to feel valued. These common experiences are part of what makes us human.
Our commonalities represent the what of life: the things we value, need, and hope to experience. Our differences often reflect the how: the ways we pursue those experiences. Understanding that distinction allows us to recognize different approaches without assuming that one is inherently better than another.
Does it really matter if you and I go about creating community in different ways? What matters most is that we both value connection and belonging. Understanding our differences helps us recognize that there is more than one meaningful way to experience life and build relationships. Rather than separating us, those differences can add richness and dimension to our shared experiences.
How Perceptual Style Helps Us Connect
Perceptual Style Theory (PST) was developed to help people understand and appreciate the different ways they naturally experience the world. Its purpose isn't to divide people into categories or suggest that one Perceptual Style is better than another. Instead, it provides a framework for recognizing natural strengths, understanding differences, and building stronger connections.
As a coach, I believe the greatest value of Perceptual Style Theory lies not simply in helping us recognize how we differ, but in helping us put those differences into perspective. When we understand that people can approach life differently while sharing many of the same fundamental needs and values, we become better equipped to communicate, collaborate, and connect.
You and I may have very different Perceptual Styles, but we probably have far more in common than we realize. Our differences don't have to separate us. They can help us discover new ways of understanding one another and enrich the relationships we build.
The next time you encounter someone whose approach to life seems very different from your own, consider looking beyond how they do things and exploring what matters to them. You may discover that the connection you're looking for has been there all along.
Have you ever discovered an unexpected connection with someone whose personality or approach to life seemed completely different from yours? I'd welcome your thoughts and experiences in the comments below.
Discover how understanding your natural strengths can help you build stronger relationships and achieve greater personal success. Explore The Power of Your Perception.
© Vega Behavioral Consulting, Ltd., All Rights Reserved
About Dr. Gary M. Jordan, Ph.D.
Gary Jordan, Ph.D., has over 35 years of experience in clinical psychology, behavioral assessment, individual development, and coaching. He earned his doctorate in Clinical Psychology from the California School of Professional Psychology – Berkeley. He is co-creator of Perceptual Style Theory, a revolutionary psychological assessment system that teaches people how to unleash their deepest potentials for success. He’s a partner at Vega Behavioral Consulting, Ltd., a consulting firm that specializes in helping people discover their true skills and talents.
Additional information about Dr. Jordan
