Building Relationships
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Editor's note: This article was originally written during an earlier chapter of our family's life. The experiences shared reflect that time, while the lessons about understanding differences, appreciating individual strengths, and building meaningful relationships remain just as relevant today.
Co-creator of Perceptual Style Theory
A Family Celebration and a New Perspective
Our grandson recently became engaged, and we couldn't be more delighted! Ricardo and I celebrated the occasion with him and his bride-to-be over a special dinner filled with wonderful conversation, laughter, and the pleasure of getting to know each other even better.
At one point, our grandson's fiancée mentioned that our family seemed quite large to her and, at times, a little overwhelming. I paused because I don't always think of us as a particularly large family. We're together so often that our gatherings simply feel normal to me. But she's right. There are 18 of us, and that's before counting our extended family of aunts, uncles, cousins, and forever friends.
Coming from a smaller family, she was understandably adjusting to the number of people, personalities, and relationships that come with joining ours. What feels familiar and comfortable to us can feel very different to someone experiencing it for the first time.
As we shared favorite family stories, both hers and ours, we began to understand each other's experiences a little better. And, inevitably, our conversation turned to Perceptual Style.
Learning to Appreciate Our Differences
One of the things I've learned through Perceptual Style Theory is that people can experience the same situation in very different ways. What feels familiar and comfortable to one person may feel overwhelming or unfamiliar to another. Neither perspective is necessarily right or wrong. Understanding those differences helps us respond with curiosity rather than judgment and creates opportunities for stronger connections.
Living Perceptual Style in Our Marriage
My husband and I have a saying we use – “live the theory” – in all sorts of situations where we don’t see things the same way.
Ricardo is Activity, and I’m Vision, and as much as we love each other, there are some things we each do that irritate the heck out of each other. It’s not on purpose; it’s just who we each are.
For example, Ricardo naturally provides lots of context for the stories he tells as he sets the stage to share an experience. On the other hand, I naturally weave in lots of insights with my stories.
At times he wishes I would provide some context...any context...that would substantiate my "insights"; at times, I wish he would just get to the point.
Over the years, we've learned to work with these differences rather than against them. Instead of interrupting to correct each other, we jump in to add what's missing: a little more context from Ricardo or another insight from me. The result is that our stories become richer, and we have a lot more fun telling them together.
Understanding Perceptual Style has made it so much easier to see that our differences aren't right or wrong. They just are.
Instead of trying to change each other, we use our understanding of Perceptual Style to reduce misunderstandings, laugh at our foibles, and appreciate the strengths each of us brings to our relationship. Our 36th wedding anniversary is this week, so I'd say it's working pretty well for us so far!
Building Stronger Relationships Through Understanding
As our grandson and his fiancée begin their lives together, my hope is that they'll always celebrate who they are as individuals and who they are becoming as partners. Relationships aren't about becoming the same person or eliminating every difference. They're about learning to appreciate what each person brings and discovering how those differences can make the relationship stronger.
And I must admit, I smiled from ear to ear when they contacted us the day after dinner and asked whether she could take the Perceptual Style Assessment. But of course!
Understanding each other's Perceptual Style won't eliminate every disagreement, but it can help us approach those differences with curiosity, appreciation, and a little more humor. And that's a wonderful foundation for any relationship.
Discover how understanding your Perceptual Style can help you appreciate differences, improve communication, and build stronger relationships. Explore The Power of Your Perception.
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About Lynda-Ross
Lynda-Ross Vega is a partner at Vega Behavioral Consulting, Ltd. She specializes in helping corporate leaders, entrepreneurs, and individuals with interpersonal communication, team dynamics, personal development, and navigating change. Lynda-Ross is co-creator of Perceptual Style Theory, a behavioral psychology framework and assessment system designed to help people recognize their natural strengths and build more fulfilling lives, careers, and relationships.
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