The ‘Why’ of Conflict: How Perception Shapes Disagreement and Resolution
Conflict is an inevitable part of life.
Whether it’s a heated debate with a colleague, a misunderstanding with your partner, or a disagreement with a friend, conflict happens because we see the world differently.
It can be frustrating, exhausting, and sometimes painful—but it doesn’t have to be destructive.
The key to understanding conflict lies in uncovering why it happens in the first place.
Most of us assume conflict arises from clashing opinions, but there’s more to it than that.
Conflict is often rooted in differences in perception—how we see, interpret, and respond to the world. This is where Perceptual Style Theory™ offers a fresh perspective and practical tools for managing and resolving conflict.
The Role of Perceptual Style in Conflict
Perceptual Style Theory teaches us that people experience life through six distinct Perceptual Styles, each with its own way of processing information, communicating, and making decisions.
These differences aren’t just surface-level preferences; they’re deep-rooted, fundamental ways of seeing the world.
When conflict arises, it’s often because two (or more) people perceive the same situation in completely different ways.
What feels obvious and logical to one person might feel confusing or irrelevant to another. Without recognizing this, it’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking, Why don’t they just get it?
Here’s the catch: They aren’t seeing the same thing you are.
Example: Imagine a workplace conflict between Tom and Maria. Tom is highly detail-focused and wants everything planned out down to the last step before moving forward with a project.
Maria, on the other hand, is a big-picture thinker who values flexibility and prefers to adjust plans as they go.
Tom sees Maria as careless; Maria sees Tom as rigid.
Perceptual Style Theory says neither Tom or Maria is wrong—they’re just experiencing the project from different perceptual lenses.
Common Root Causes of Conflict (Through the Lens of Perceptual Style)
Here are some of the most common reasons conflict arises, along with how Perceptual Style can play a role:
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Different Communication Styles
One person might prefer direct, to-the-point communication, while another prefers a conversational, story-driven approach. These differences can lead to misunderstandings or assumptions that the other person isn’t listening or doesn’t care.
Resolution Tip: Pay attention to how others communicate and adjust your approach. If you’re naturally concise, try slowing down and adding more context. If you tend to elaborate, practice getting to the point sooner.
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Clashing Priorities
Each Perceptual Style notices and prioritizes different aspects of a situation. One person may be focused on achieving immediate results, while another is concerned with maintaining harmony. Conflict often arises when these priorities feel at odds.
Resolution Tip: Clarify your priorities and ask about theirs. Often, simply acknowledging each other’s concerns can de-escalate tension.
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Divergent Problem-Solving Approaches
Some people are action-oriented and want to solve problems right away, while others need time to think things through. When these approaches collide, it can create frustration on both sides.
Resolution Tip: Agree on a process for problem-solving that respects both perspectives. For example, decide to brainstorm first and then evaluate options together after some reflection.
Practical Strategies for Resolving Conflict
Understanding Perceptual Style is a game-changer for conflict resolution. Here’s how to put that knowledge into action:
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Shift from Judgment to Curiosity
When you feel yourself getting defensive, pause and get curious instead. Ask yourself: How might they be seeing this differently? This shift in mindset can open the door to understanding and empathy.
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Communicate with Awareness
Tailor your communication to the person you’re dealing with. If they prefer structure and detail, avoid being vague. If they’re more big-picture, don’t overwhelm them with minutiae. Matching their style helps reduce miscommunication.
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Acknowledge and Validate
Often, conflict escalates because people feel unheard or dismissed. Take a moment to acknowledge the other person’s perspective, even if you don’t agree with it. Phrases like “I see where you’re coming from” or “That makes sense” can go a long way.
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Collaborate on Solutions
Once both perspectives are on the table, focus on creating a solution that respects both styles. This might mean blending different approaches or taking turns leading in areas where each person’s style shines.
Embracing Perceptual Differences
The most powerful takeaway from Perceptual Style Theory is this: conflict isn’t necessarily a sign that something is wrong. It’s often just a sign that two people are seeing the world differently.
When you recognize and honor these differences, conflict becomes less about who is right and who is wrong and more about finding creative, collaborative solutions.
By embracing perceptual differences, you can turn conflict into an opportunity for growth and deeper connection.
Instead of getting stuck in a cycle of misunderstanding, you’ll find yourself saying, “Ah, now I get it.”
And once you get it, resolution becomes a whole lot easier.
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About Dr. Gary M. Jordan, Ph.D.
Gary Jordan, Ph.D., has over 35 years of experience in clinical psychology, behavioral assessment, individual development, and coaching. He earned his doctorate in Clinical Psychology from the California School of Professional Psychology – Berkeley. He is co-creator of Perceptual Style Theory, a revolutionary psychological assessment system that teaches people how to unleash their deepest potentials for success. He’s a partner at Vega Behavioral Consulting, Ltd., a consulting firm that specializes in helping people discover their true skills and talents.
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