Leadership – Passing the Torch of Parenthood
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Co-creator of Perceptual Style Theory
Leadership transitions do not always happen in boardrooms or organizational meetings. Sometimes they begin with a simple family announcement that changes how we see ourselves and the roles we play in the lives of others.
I experienced one of those moments when, just before Thanksgiving one year, my son and his wife announced at a family dinner that they were expecting a baby. My wife and I were going to become grandparents!
We knew they had been focused on starting a family, and we had both been anticipating an announcement. But knowing it might happen did nothing to diminish the magic of hearing the news. Although I had been telling friends for some time that I was ready to become a grandfather, I discovered something unexpected in that moment. My role, and the way I understood it, changed almost instantly.
When Becoming a Grandparent Changes Your Perspective
Becoming a grandfather meant that my role as a father was changing in ways I had not fully appreciated. For years, I had viewed my primary responsibility as preparing my three children for adulthood and helping them make that transition successfully. That responsibility had gradually been changing as they became independent adults. My youngest was already in her twenties and had been living on her own for more than two years.
Yet it was not until the weeks following the announcement, when I had time to reflect, that I began to understand just how significant the change really was.
Recognizing When Your Leadership Role Has Changed
When I told a close friend that my wife and I were moving beyond our primary identification as parents, he responded, “You will always be a parent.” Of course, he was right. But something important had changed, and I could feel it.
As I reflected on that feeling, I realized it was a combination of relief, accomplishment, and the lifting of an enormous responsibility. My wife and I had raised our children to become self-sufficient adults. We were still welcome, wanted, and loved in their lives, but they no longer depended on us in the way they once had. There was a profound sense of success in recognizing that.
I knew that being a grandfather would bring its own challenges, responsibilities, and joys. But the day-to-day work of guiding three children through the uncertainties of growing up was behind us. The constant worry, the struggles, the discoveries, and the endless firsts that come with raising children had given way to a different kind of relationship.
Passing the Torch to the Next Generation
Watching my son prepare to become a father gave me a new appreciation for the natural progression of leadership within a family. The responsibilities that had once been mine were becoming his. He and his wife would now make the decisions, face the challenges, and experience the joys of raising their own child.
I realized that passing the torch was not about withdrawing from their lives. It was about recognizing their independence and respecting their ability to lead their own family. My role was changing from directing and guiding to supporting, encouraging, and being available when needed.
The Leadership Lesson in Knowing When to Step Aside
From a leadership perspective, I had completed one important goal and was moving toward another. While my active leadership role as a father was changing, my son's leadership role as a parent was just beginning. Watching him step into that responsibility brought a special kind of satisfaction.
Successful leaders eventually discover that there is a time to pass the torch. Leadership is not only about guiding others, making decisions, and accepting responsibility. It is also about preparing people to take ownership of their own decisions and trusting them when they are ready.
That can be difficult. When we have invested years in a role, stepping aside may feel like giving up something important. But sometimes it is the clearest evidence that we have succeeded. The people we once guided are now capable of leading themselves and others.
As leaders, we outgrow or complete roles throughout our lives. Knowing when to move on can be just as important as knowing when to step forward. And there is a special pleasure in discovering that the next generation is not only ready to accept responsibility but is embracing it with joy.
What will my new role as grandfather hold? Only time will tell. But one thing I know for certain: I am looking forward to hearing those wonderful words, “Hey, Grandpa, will you...”
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About Dr. Gary M. Jordan, Ph.D.
Gary Jordan, Ph.D., has over 35 years of experience in clinical psychology, behavioral assessment, individual development, and coaching. He earned his doctorate in Clinical Psychology from the California School of Professional Psychology – Berkeley. He is co-creator of Perceptual Style Theory, a revolutionary psychological assessment system that teaches people how to unleash their deepest potentials for success. He’s a partner at Vega Behavioral Consulting, Ltd., a consulting firm that specializes in helping people discover their true skills and talents.
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