Understanding Perceptual Style Differences: A Personal Story
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While preparing for the launch of our website and book in Spanish, I worked closely with Santiago, one of our native speakers, to ensure everything was as translingual as possible.
Even though I'm bilingual, it’s critical to have native speakers of both languages review my work. Translating is not just a literal word-for-word exchange; you must understand the context, idioms, and writing styles of the original authors in order to translate the intended meaning. One tool my team found very useful in the review process was to augment our discussions with real-life examples.
During one of our discussions, Santiago asked me for some real-life examples where the Perceptual Styles theory helped me navigate or avoid a problem in my daily life, whether personal or business-related. After sharing a few stories, he suggested that one of them would make an excellent blog post. So, here we go, Santi—this one’s for you
As many of you know from my previous blogs, my Perceptual Style is Activity. Today, I want to share an experience I had with my neighbor, Tom, whose Perceptual Style is Goals. This story perfectly illustrates how understanding Perceptual Styles can smooth over potential conflicts and keep relationships harmonious.
Activity vs. Goals: The Clash of Styles
Let’s set the stage. Activity and Goals Perceptual Styles have a fascinating dynamic. Activity people are often drawn to the bold self-confidence, sense of urgency, and clarity of purpose of Goals folks. They, in turn, are attracted to our high energy, action orientation, and wide network of friends and acquaintances.
But here’s the rub—those same traits can also be sources of frustration. We might see their approach as stubborn or “bullheaded,” and we might feel they’re a bit oblivious to their impact on others. And sometimes, it seems like they take themselves a little too seriously. On the flip side, they might find us unfocused, a little foolish, and constantly in need of attention. It’s a recipe for conflict if not managed carefully.
The Social Gathering Incident
This particular story takes place at a neighborhood social gathering. I was chatting with Tom about the cost of retirement—a subject that can bring out strong opinions. Tom confidently explained that he and his wife had figured it all out. With his 401K and their combined Social Security income, they were set for life. I congratulated him and casually mentioned that it would be nice if both spouses could continue collecting from their Social Security accounts after one of them passes, but that getting the larger payout was a decent consolation prize.
Suddenly, Tom’s demeanor changed. He became argumentative. He corrected me, insisting that even if he passed away, his wife Helen would continue to collect from both accounts until her death. I told him that wasn’t my understanding but then tried to suggest that we revisit the topic later, after doing some research or consulting our financial planners. Tom wouldn’t hear of it. His voice rose, and he started pointing his finger at me. He needed to win his point right then.
Just as the tension was peaking, Lynda-Ross walked behind me and whispered in my ear, “Remember, he’s Goals; let him win.”
The Power of a Strategic Pivot
That was my cue to shift tactics. I know that Goals people are great competitors, and they don’t often back down easily when they believe they are in the right. This wasn’t an argument I needed to win.
Faking an epiphany, I said, “Not to change the subject, but do you have a mutual fund tip that can make us an average return greater than 3%?” The change in Tom was immediate. He shifted gears, smiling, and eagerly began sharing all sorts of investment information. I allowed myself to enjoy the moment as he expounded on his insights and advice. Truth be told, I didn’t take action on the information he shared, but the next time I saw Tom, I made sure to thank him for his help.
Now, did Tom ever thank me for pointing out the flaw in his retirement plan? Not exactly. But Helen later told Lynda-Ross that Tom had hired a financial advisor after getting some bad advice from various friends and relatives. So, in a roundabout way, my input made a difference. And most importantly, there’s peace in the neighborhood.
Wrapping It Up
This experience is a prime example of how understanding Perceptual Styles can help you navigate tricky conversations and maintain harmony in your relationships. By recognizing that Tom’s Goals Perceptual Style made him more likely to dig in his heels and insist on being right, I was able to pivot the conversation and avoid an unnecessary conflict.
So, the next time you find yourself in a similar situation, remember this story. Sometimes, the best way to resolve a disagreement isn’t to “win” the argument but to steer the conversation in a different direction entirely. It’s a subtle but powerful way to honor the other person’s Perceptual Style while keeping the peace—and who doesn’t want that?
Thank you, Santi, for inspiring this blog post. And to everyone reading, I encourage you to think about how Perceptual Styles play out in your own life. You might be surprised by what you discover!
Please share your thoughts on this topic in the comment section below.
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About Ricardo
Ricardo Vega is the Director of Operations at Vega Behavioral Consulting, Ltd. and a certified Perceptual Style Guide. He has over 40 years of experience in technology, product and project delivery, disaster recovery, and team coaching. He specializes in helping entrepreneurs and teams with Product Planning & Delivery, Team Building, and Change Management.
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