The Most Important Thing Your Dictionary Doesn't Tell You
-the-most-important-thing-your-dictionary-does-not-tell-you-400.jpg)
Co-creator of Perceptual Style Theory
Have you ever had a conversation in which you and someone else used the same words but walked away with completely different understandings of what was said? You might assume the problem was a poor choice of words, a misunderstanding, or simply a failure to listen. But sometimes the real difference goes much deeper than language.
My husband and I discovered this early in our marriage. His first language is Spanish, while mine is English. As life and business partners, we have learned a great deal about communicating across differences. In our early years together, however, we sometimes believed that the source of our misunderstandings was simply the meaning of a word.
When the Same Words Mean Different Things
During our first year of marriage, there were moments when my husband would use a word that pushed all my buttons. I would react, and he would insist that I was misunderstanding its meaning. Naturally, I would reach for my English-Spanish dictionary to prove my point, while he would consult his Spanish-English dictionary to prove his. Before long, we would find ourselves laughing at the many definitions and uses of a single word, eventually agreeing on the meaning that best fit our conversation.
What we didn't understand at the time was that we were navigating more than differences between English and Spanish. We also have different Perceptual Styles. My husband experiences the world through the Activity Perceptual Style, while mine is Vision. Like many couples and families, we bring different natural perspectives to our conversations. What seemed to be a disagreement over word choice was often a reflection of how differently we interpreted the same situation.
Once we understood those differences and how they influenced our communication, we no longer needed dictionaries to settle our disagreements. I still smile when I remember those early conversations, because they taught us something important: understanding another person's words is not always the same as understanding the meaning they intend to communicate.
How Perceptual Style Shapes Communication
Communication disconnects happen to everyone. They do not necessarily mean that someone is unintelligent, inattentive, or unwilling to understand. Often, two people are approaching the same conversation with different expectations about what matters most and what the words being used are intended to convey.
Words are the symbols we use to express our thoughts, experiences, and intentions. But the meaning we attach to those words is influenced by how we naturally perceive the world. Perceptual Style Theory helps explain why people may emphasize different details, interpret messages differently, and prefer different ways of communicating, even when they are speaking the same language.
How the Six Perceptual Styles Tell Stories
Let’s look at an example – storytelling. We all like a good story. But how we define a “good story” and how we tell stories differs among Perceptual Styles. How we tell stories also determines what we expect to hear when we listen to them:
- Activity: Sharing an experience and bringing others into the excitement of what happened.
- Adjustments: Sharing information that others may find useful or need to know.
- Flow: Creating connection, belonging, and a sense of shared experience.
- Goals: Expressing a point of view, communicating a conclusion, or providing direction.
- Methods: Explaining how something works, how it is organized, or how it was accomplished.
- Vision: Inspiring others, influencing perspectives, or encouraging new possibilities.
It’s pretty easy to see how we can each get different meanings from the same story or conversation! Then, when you consider that most words have more than one meaning (just check the dictionary), it’s a miracle we ever make ourselves understood!
Communicating Across Perceptual Style Differences
You have a natural and comfortable style of communication because of your Perceptual Style. And so does everyone else.
Once you become aware of how Perceptual Style differences influence communication, you can begin adjusting how you express your ideas to make them easier for others to understand. With practice, you can become more attentive to what different people need from a conversation and more effective at recognizing when your intended meaning has not been received.
Effective communication is intentional communication. It begins with recognizing that the person across from us may not interpret our words, experiences, or intentions in the same way we do. Instead of assuming that our meaning is obvious, we can become curious about how others understand what we are saying.
You don't have to abandon your natural communication style or change your fundamental message to communicate more effectively. You can learn to adapt how you express your ideas while remaining true to yourself. And when you make the effort to understand another person's perspective, communication becomes less about choosing the perfect words and more about creating genuine understanding.
After all, the most important thing your dictionary doesn't tell you is how another person experiences the world.
Please share your thoughts on this topic in the comment section below.
Find out more about the services we have available to help you find the success you want and deserve!
© Vega Behavioral Consulting, Ltd., All Rights Reserved
About Lynda-Ross
Lynda-Ross Vega is a partner at Vega Behavioral Consulting, Ltd. She specializes in helping corporate leaders, entrepreneurs, and individuals with interpersonal communications, team dynamics, personal development, and navigating change. Lynda-Ross is co-creator of Perceptual Style Theory, a revolutionary behavioral psychology theory and assessment system that teaches people how to unleash their natural strengths and build the life and career they dream of.
Additional information about Lynda-Ross
