The Hidden Power of Expectations
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Expectations play a significant role in our lives. We set them for ourselves, anticipating our actions and upcoming experiences. But we also use them to measure other people's actions, judging whether they meet our preconceived notions of how they should behave. Expectations are deeply rooted in our past experiences and the values we've established for ourselves. They can be based on reality or our hopes for something different.
The Binary Nature of Expectations
Interestingly, expectations often operate in a binary fashion. When they are exceeded, we feel elated. But when they miss the mark, we feel disappointed and hurt. And when something merely meets our expectations, we tend to dismiss it without much thought. This binary nature can make expectations tricky to manage. Remember Einstein’s definition of insanity—“Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results”?
A Lunch Conversation on Expectations
I was at lunch with a friend recently, and she was sharing her disappointment that she and her adult children don't talk as often as they should. Her interpretation was that there was something wrong with the relationships that needed to be fixed. I asked her how often she talked with her mom when she was around the same age as her kids. She paused and said, "Not often, actually, maybe once a month or so." Me too, I confessed. We both smiled. That led us into a great conversation about expectations in general—the ones we create on purpose and the ones we assume. She realized her expectation of frequent contact with her kids was based on an unspoken assumption.
A Pleasant Surprise at the Euro Cup
My husband and I recently attended two Euro Cup games while vacationing in Germany. I'm not sure I would have made an effort to attend the games in person—after all, watching international soccer on TV is fun and easy. But our granddaughter was excited about the opportunity to see an international game live, so I was happy to join in.
Both games were at a stadium with over 67,000 seats. I anticipated huge crowds, with fans from all over the world in attendance and lots of different languages being spoken. I also anticipated that transportation to and from the games, with many people heading in the same direction, would be crowded and challenging.
I was armed with memories from the 1994 World Cup games we attended in Dallas and insights I've gathered from stories about unruly fans. Let's just say my enjoyment expectation bar was set a bit low.
I was pleasantly surprised. Public transportation was indeed crazy crowded, several languages were going on at once wherever we were, and fans were loud and excited. But people were also overwhelmingly polite. There were some exceptions, but they were truly the exception. There was a feeling of camaraderie that we were all together to see a good game. I saw fans from opposing teams chatting in the lines, helping each other with directions, taking photos of each other, and making space for smaller kids to see. There were so many examples of people having fun and being considerate at the same time.
Perhaps because my expectations were low, I was observant enough to see the good happening all around me.
The Power of Articulating Expectations
One thing I'm noticing consistently about expectations is that it's much easier to have them met or exceeded if you've articulated them.
In the case of my friend, sharing her expectations with her kids led them to plan some time together.
In the case of my soccer game experience, sharing my low expectations with my husband and subsequent surprise after the first game made the second game even more enjoyable as we shared our observations along the way.
When we clearly define what we expect, we give ourselves and others a roadmap to follow. It opens the door for communication and understanding, reducing the chances of disappointment.
Your Turn to Reflect
Take a moment today to think about your expectations. Are they clear and realistic? Have you discussed them with anyone?
By articulating your expectations, you can set the stage for more positive experiences and fewer disappointments.
Let's have a conversation about the expectations we hold and how we can manage them better. Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below.
Let's learn from each other and grow together!
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About Lynda-Ross
Lynda-Ross Vega is a partner at Vega Behavioral Consulting, Ltd. She specializes in helping corporate leaders, entrepreneurs, and individuals with interpersonal communications, team dynamics, personal development, and navigating change. Lynda-Ross is co-creator of Perceptual Style Theory, a revolutionary behavioral psychology theory and assessment system that teaches people how to unleash their natural strengths and build the life and career they dream of.
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