Perfectly Imperfect Holidays: Using Your Perceptual Style Strengths to Ease Seasonal Stress

• By Lynda-Ross VIP on Dec 9, 2024
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Holiday perfectionism—it’s something most of us have wrestled with, even if we don’t call it that.

Whether it’s orchestrating the perfect meal, finding the perfect gift, or creating the perfect moment, the pressure to make everything just right during the holidays can be overwhelming.

But here’s the thing: perfection is an illusion, and chasing it can rob you of the joy and connection the holidays are meant to bring.

By understanding the roots of holiday perfectionism and how it plays out through your Perceptual Style, you can let go of unrealistic expectations and create a season that feels more meaningful—and far less stressful.

Why Is Holiday Perfectionism Such a Big Deal?

Holiday perfectionism resonates deeply because it’s tied to so many universal pressures:

1. Cultural and Social Pressures: The holidays are marketed as magical and flawless — perfect families, perfect dinners, perfect everything. Social media makes it worse, with endless posts of curated holiday moments that can make your reality feel like it’s falling short.

2. Desire to Create Meaning: We often associate the holidays with cherished memories and traditions. The urge to recreate those feelings for ourselves and our loved ones can quickly spiral into an overwhelming need to get everything just right.

3. Family Dynamics: Spending more time with family can bring up old expectations and pressures. There’s often an unspoken competition to prove you’re a great host, parent, or partner.

4. Financial and Time Constraints: The vision of the perfect holiday often clashes with reality. When resources are limited, the pressure to meet high standards can lead to guilt and stress.

5. Emotional Sensitivities: For some, the holidays can be bittersweet or painful. Perfectionism can act as a coping mechanism, distracting from difficult emotions by focusing on outward accomplishments.

6. The Illusion of Control: Perfectionism is often tied to a need for control. If everything is perfect, then everyone will be happy, and no conflicts will arise—or so the thinking goes. Of course, life rarely works that way.

The result? Instead of fostering joy, perfectionism leads to exhaustion, stress, and sometimes even resentment.

So, how can you flip the script? By using the insights of Perceptual Style, you can identify the tendencies that drive your holiday perfectionism and make choices that align with your strengths.

Perceptual Styles and Holiday Perfectionism

Your Perceptual Style influences how you approach the holidays—and what “perfection” looks like to you. Here’s how perfectionism might show up for each style and what you can do to manage it:

• Activity – You love action and thrive on creating high-energy, exciting experiences. Your enthusiasm for the season is contagious, but holiday perfectionism might push you to overpack your schedule. Multiple events, activities, and last-minute ideas can leave you feeling scattered and stretched thin.

  Tip: Focus on prioritizing a few meaningful events instead of trying to do it all. Consider what really matters to you and the people you’re celebrating with. When you leave room in your schedule, you’ll feel less time pressure, allowing you to enjoy the moment fully. Spontaneous fun often happens in those unplanned spaces, so give yourself permission to slow down.

• Adjustments – Details are your forte, and you take pride in keeping everything organized and running smoothly. During the holidays, this can translate into spending hours perfecting every little detail—perfect wrapping paper, flawlessly plated meals, or décor that rivals a magazine spread. While your efforts are admirable, they can lead to burnout or prevent you from fully enjoying the season.

  Tip: Delegate where you can! Sharing responsibilities doesn’t mean lowering your standards—it means creating space to connect with others. Consider what details matter most and let go of the rest. Sometimes, imperfections add charm and authenticity to holiday celebrations. And remember, your presence is the most valuable gift you can give.

• Flow – You value harmony and naturally want everyone to feel included and happy. During the holidays, your perfectionism might involve avoiding any conflict or tension, even at your own expense. You may find yourself overcommitting, saying yes to everything, or bending over backward to keep the peace.

  Tip: Accept that not everyone will be happy all the time, and that’s okay. Focus on creating an atmosphere of inclusion and belonging, and recognize that others will make their own choices regarding how or if they join in. Practice saying no to things that drain you or don’t align with what you truly want. Your energy is best spent cultivating meaningful interactions, even if a few moments don’t go as planned.

• Goals – You enjoy achieving results and making things happen, which means you may approach the holidays like a project to be conquered. Perfectionism might drive you to aim for ambitious goals, like finding the perfect gift for everyone or hosting the most memorable party. While your drive is impressive, it can also leave you feeling more stressed than satisfied.

  Tip: Redefine success in ways that align with your values. Instead of aiming for “perfect,” think about what will create the most connection and joy for you and your loved ones. It might mean scaling back some of your goals or finding simpler ways to make an impact.

  And don’t forget to celebrate the small wins—sometimes, a heartfelt conversation or a shared laugh is all it takes to make the holidays truly special.

• Methods – Structure, order, and planning are your comfort zones, and you’re in your element when everything is organized. Perfectionism might show up as sticking rigidly to your holiday checklist or schedule, leaving little room for flexibility. If things don’t go exactly as planned, it can feel frustrating or disappointing.

  Tip: Build some flexibility into your plans. Give yourself permission to deviate from the checklist if something unexpected arises. For example, if dinner runs late because everyone’s laughing and sharing stories, let the timeline slide—it’s the connection that matters most. Incorporating “free time” into your schedule can create space for unplanned but memorable moments.

• Vision – You’re a big-picture thinker, and the holidays are your canvas for grand ideas. Your visions for the season might include breathtaking décor, unforgettable family experiences, or the ultimate holiday party. While your creativity inspires others, perfectionism can make you hyper-focused on executing your vision exactly as imagined.

  Tip: Hold onto your vision, but stay flexible about the details. Ask yourself, “What’s the essence of what I want to create?” and let that guide you. If the color scheme for the tree isn’t perfect or the party playlist doesn’t go as planned, it’s not a failure—it’s real life. Often, the magic lies in the unexpected, so leave space for surprises and spontaneity.

Letting Go of Holiday Perfectionism

The key to breaking free from holiday perfectionism is self-awareness. Here’s how to reframe your holiday approach:

1. Focus on Connection Over Performance: Shift your energy from “doing it all” to simply being present with the people you care about.

2. Embrace Imperfection: Mishaps often create the best memories. That crooked tree or burnt pie is a story you’ll laugh about for years.

3. Practice Gratitude: Celebrate what’s going well and let go of what isn’t perfect.

4. Set Boundaries: Protect your time and energy by saying no to extra commitments.

By understanding how your Perceptual Style shapes your holiday tendencies, you can make intentional choices that bring more joy and ease to the season. Instead of striving for perfection, focus on what truly matters—connection, presence, and creating memories that feel genuine and fulfilling.

This year, let’s embrace the perfectly imperfect. After all, the best moments are rarely the ones we plan for—they’re the ones that simply happen.

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About Lynda-Ross

Lynda-Ross Vega is a partner at Vega Behavioral Consulting, Ltd. She specializes in helping corporate leaders, entrepreneurs, and individuals with interpersonal communications, team dynamics, personal development, and navigating change. Lynda-Ross is co-creator of Perceptual Style Theory, a revolutionary behavioral psychology theory and assessment system that teaches people how to unleash their natural strengths and build the life and career they dream of.

Additional information about Lynda-Ross